But do you want to go? Just because it’s what he wants, doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing for you. Don’t go rushing back to him just because he comes calling your name. Think about the reasons why you broke up in the first place. Those issues haven’t disappeared, they have just faded into the background and you need to bring them back to the surface and consider them again before falling back into his arms.
So why did you break up? Was it what you wanted? Were you the instigator of the relationship failing? Or were you a victim? The one who was cast aside, perhaps for another girl? Did your ex boyfriend cheat on you? Did he use you and then turn away from you when you had nothing more to offer him that he wanted? Or did you break up because you both felt the relationship was going nowhere and you both felt it had run its course?
If you broke up the relationship, are you ready to give it another try? What do you think will happen differently this time? This also applies if you both thought it best to move on and date other people. Can you really set aside any of the problems that you didn’t want to deal with last time (or have they been solved during the time you were apart)? Can you build a different relationship to the one that went stale?
Are there things you are willing to do differently to ensure that the relationship stays alive this time? It could be that the chemistry is right; it’s just the lifestyle that’s not. Are you willing to compromise if he’s not willing to change? Is he offering to change, and giving you some evidence of commitment to that change in order to get you back?
If he cheated on you, can you forgive him? You won’t forget, but is it possible that you can move past what he did and learn to trust him again? It could be that in this situation you will have friends that tell you “once a cheater, always a cheater” — do you believe in your heart that this is so? If you do, then don’t go back to him.
You are setting yourself up for paranoia and mistrust–neither of which is going to allow a healthy happy relationship to grow. If you believe that he made a mistake (and don’t go blaming the other girl–she may have tempted him, but he was the one in a relationship and he allowed himself to be tempted), and that it’s something you don’t think he’d do again, then by all means, give the relationship another try. Keep an eye on him, but don’t put him on a leash so short that he feels strangled by it.
Whether or not you return to an ex boyfriend is something that you need to decide for yourself. Whether you do want to go back to him, or not, there’s nothing wrong in making him wait a few days for your answer! Even if you can’t wait to fall back into his arms, don’t allow him to know he has that power over you. Let him sweat a little, that way he might appreciate you a little more when you do say yes!
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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