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I Didn’t Know – Did You?

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Is it because I’m blond or don’t I get out enough? The grocery store bagger put a “Thank You For Shopping Here” sticker on one of our paper bags. I thought it was supermarket PR. Who knew it was code for purchases paid for – not stolen.

Have you ever wondered why fresh flowers are put in upscale restrooms? They provide a subliminal message not to be messy.

Most doctors’ signatures are messy, but obviously they begin and end with upward slants. In feng shui that is a sign of prosperity.

According to feng shui, wind chimes enhance luck. I thought they only annoyed neighbors.

Paying almost three dollars a gallon for gasoline is annoying. Thankfully, it’s a short drive to the poor house – especially after paying income taxes.

Two thirds of tax forms are prepared by professionals. Those are the same people who experience thirty percent more stress during tax season.

It’s the interviewees who are stressed during job interviews. Little do they know that the hiring manager decides in the first ten minutes – even though the average staff interview is fifty-five minutes and the average management interview is eighty-six minutes.

If the interviewees stand during interviews, hopefully they stand at least eleven inches from the interviewer. Eleven inches is the distance the average person needs for personal space. Does that mean if two people stand foot-to-foot their standing twenty-four inches apart?

I can’t tell Democrats and Republicans apart except by their party’s symbol. Unfortunately, the elephant doesn’t remember its campaign promises and the donkey is an ass.

It might make my own ass bigger knowing this, but dark chocolate lowers blood pressure and fights disease – unless I have a glass of milk with it. Cow’s milk can contain pesticides.

Sheep can be cloned, but the common cold can’t be cured. Information can be received from Mars, but cell phones still have dead areas. When I was growing up, I was told cars would fly. Pigs will fly first.

Recently I was told white is the most popular color for luxury cars and silver is the most popular for both sports cars and compact cars. In car talk silver means cool and white means fastidious. Who knew fastidious means hard to please?

Finally something pleases Cousin Walter. He can have his picture on a U.S. postage stamp. I thought I’d see his picture inside the post office. Who knew?

KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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